Hi jenna,
I just got a new job and no one is happy for me. I told some of my friends and they all seemed meh about it. I also have a new apartment, new car, and a new look and they don’t even bother to mention it. What kind of people am I surrounded by?
Signed, Look at Me!
Hi Look at Me!,
Congratulations on all your newness! Look at you! You’re on your way! Way to go! I’m so proud of you.
You’re looking for approval. Stop it. Stop right there. The only person that needs your approval is you.
You can’t go looking for admiration and approval from people who don’t care to give it to you.
How are you sharing your news with your people? Are you boasting or just expecting them to notice? I’m asking because people are usually caught up in their own lives and might not think to ask just the right questions. If your style is to brag, I don’t think I have to tell you that it might rub people the wrong way.
Read the room! Take it easy on your people! Ask them how they are and what they’ve been up to first. Wait to find out if they’re in a good place to hear your news. If they’re going through a hard time, you might have to hang onto your news and support them with their current challenges.
Your accomplishments don’t expire, so find your moment and share when it feels good for everyone.
The other issue might be – who your people are? Are these people you admire and align with in life who are on the same path you’re on or at least supportive of your choices? If not, maybe it’s time for a friend glow up. Don’t hang onto people who you don’t jive with and hope they’ll change because you did something good or admirable.
Your list of accomplishments here is fabulous but might I suggest that you round it out with a bit of giving back perhaps? It might feed that part of our soul that’s feeling lonely or ignored by focusing on the needs of others. You could volunteer some time in community where you expect nothing in return. No praise, no compliments, no talk about you. Just do something and let it be out there in the universe spreading its helpful goodness around.
In this “look at me” culture it’s always wise to check in with yourself and see where the need for attention or adoration is coming from. External validation is a trap that will never quench your desire for likeableness or admiration. Provide your soul with a little self validation and work on keeping your goals and dreams to yourself until they are realized. Only share with a small trustworthy group of people you know will give you real feedback.
I’m not sure what your history is or why you need the validation so badly but you would do well to focus on trying to understand that about yourself. What triggers the needs and maybe you’ll find there is something in your past that is a little wound that bleeds just a bit whenever you aren’t noticed for your achievements.
I’ve often heard that the mantra, “I am enough,” can really help but personally I prefer more simply, “I am.” By that I mean that you don’t have to be anything but be. If others don’t like it then let them go.
Good luck. I’ll always be in your corner cheering you on. I’m going to be looking at you and I know you will look happy no matter what people say or don’t say about you.
love, jenna