Hi Jenna,
I just found out my so-called-bestie is making fun of me behind my back. Like, really cruel stuff. She’s making fun of my appearance, my new job choice, my partner and more. I have to admit I’ve seen her act this way towards all our other friends but I guess I thought I was special and she wouldn’t do that to me. I have witnessed that she can be very mean spirited at times and act super sweet to someone’s face and then turn around and say something so shocking about them. I overlook too much, I guess. It’s making me feel sick to even think about confronting her. I just want to be done with her. What do I do?
From, Baby let me tell ya ’bout my best friend
Hey Baby,
Ugh! This totally sucks. Well, you must have at least one awesome person in your court if you found out about this, so try to focus on that. I am so sorry this is happening to you! I’m of the mind that people like that constantly get themselves into hot water. Perhaps you can see she already has?
Is her life perfect and everyone loves her? Not likely. Obviously not, if people are telling you she’s doing you dirty.
Everyone else around her likely senses her behaviour. Or will eventually. You did, right?! You knew who you were dealing with all along. If she has a group of follows – then misery loves company, and you’d do well to avoid that tunnel of doom. It will turn out to be an endless, boring, same old story. Level up your friend scene. Life is short.
Who you surround yourself with is who you become.
Since it’s mental health week my compassionate nature wants to give her a little understanding and note that she’s probably dealing with some self-esteem issues or she’s jealous of your new accomplishments. Or maybe she’s just a bully, but people who are constantly looking for fault in others usually do so to feel better about themselves. Isn’t that sad? But I know reading this doesn’t help you right now.
You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. You can simply let her go.
The reason I’m not telling you to try and work it out, or be honest about your feelings, and confront her or make up is because you don’t seem to want to go that route. Even if you’ve let her bad behaviour slide in the past, and you still hold onto some guilt about that, I think you’ve learned from it. I really hope you have and won’t choose friends like that again and maybe you’ve grown a little being on the receiving end of her venom. When you say, “I just want to be done with her”, I know you’re not into holding onto this anyway. So be done.
You will make new friends. Every time one story ends it allows for another to begin. Don’t even dwell on this for one minute. And whatever you do, do not let this person take anything from you, especially not your ability to love and trust again. They don’t deserve it.
I love this exercise – imagine a string is strung between you and this person, close your eyes and visualize that. Then imagine taking a huge pair of sparkly scissors and cutting that string. Use that visualization every time you find you mind wandering and thinking about her or the things she’s said or done. Cut them out of your life.
I know how much you must be hurting; you will need some time to grieve this.
Try to focus on:
- you
- your new job
- your health
- your healing
- the good people in your life
- the new people you’ll be meeting
- the kind of people you want to draw into your life going forward.
Losing or letting go of someone is one of the hardest things we humans have to do. It’s an important lesson to learn, though. You already know instinctively what to do.
I wish you well on your new life path without that so-called bestie dragging you down.